Mistakes are STUPID
Cookie: Dandy, one of my friends is really stupid.
Dandy: Why?
Cookie: I just tried to break an airplane, but she broke it for REAL! Who does that? A stupid person, right?
Dandy paused, unsure how to navigate this. Was Cookie trying to shift the blame? Maybe. But more than that, it was a moment for Dandy to consider how to respond without reinforcing unhelpful beliefs.
If Dandy said no, Cookie might feel justified in continuing to “try” breaking things—a habit Dandy is already working to redirect. Dandy has told Cookie countless times, “Things are breakable, we need to be gentle. It’s easy to break something but hard to fix it. So let’s think before we act.” Perhaps that’s why Cookie framed it this way—blaming someone else to deflect attention from it’s own actions.
But if Dandy said yes, it would open another can of worms. It might reinforce the idea that it’s okay to blame others, to label people harshly, or to think making mistakes means you’re “stupid.” And that’s a slippery slope.
So, Dandy took a breath and decided to dig deeper instead of giving a simple yes or no.
Dandy: Hmm, sounds like you were frustrated. Breaking things doesn’t usually go as planned, huh?
Cookie: Yeah, but she shouldn’t have done it!
Dandy: I get that. Breaking something can feel like a big deal. Do you think she meant to break it, or was it an accident?
Cookie: Maybe… an accident. But I was still mad.
Dandy: That makes sense. Sometimes we get mad when things don’t go how we want. But calling someone “stupid” isn’t helpful, right? Everyone makes mistakes—even you and me.
This led to a conversation about responsibility, emotions, and what to do when things go wrong…a step in the right direction.
Reflecting on the moment
Parenting is full of these tricky moments—when you’re balancing teaching values with helping your child feel heard. Kids test boundaries, not just because they want to push limits but because they’re trying to understand the world and their place in it.
When faced with situations like this, we can try to:
- Acknowledge the emotion – It’s okay to feel mad, sad, or frustrated.
- Shift the focus from blame to understanding – What happened? Why?
- Reframe mistakes as opportunities – We all mess up. The real question is, what do we do next?
At the end of the day, we want kids to know that mistakes don’t define them, and calling others names doesn’t solve anything. Instead, I we can hope to guide them toward empathy, accountability, and self-awareness.
Have you faced a similar moment with your kids? How did you navigate it?