Safe spaces inside and out

Cookie used to wear a mask in preschool during COVID, and every time they sneezed, it would be replace with a fresh one.
One day, Dnady opened Cookie’s mask and noticed it was wet.
Dandy asked, “Cookie, what happened? Why is your mask all wet?”
Without missing a beat, Cookie grinned and said, “I was licking it. I was bored… I didn’t tell my teacher. Ha ha ha.”

Dandy couldn’t help but laugh, relieved that Cookie felt comfortable enough to share it’s little secret with Dandy. It made Dandy wonder—will Cookie always feel this safe telling Dandy things, even when Cookie is older?

Wishful thinking, I know… but a parent can hope.

When it comes to having meaningful conversations, I’ve found that the best physical spaces are different for each of my kids. With my teenager, car rides work like magic—especially on long drives to unfamiliar places where I inevitably get distracted and take the wrong turn. With my younger one, it’s always bedtime or a cozy rocking chair snuggle where he spills all the crazy things that happened that day. Car rides don’t work for him—he’s too busy singing along to his favorite songs.

Outside of these go-to spots, I’ve discovered a few conversation starters that work well, like going for a walk or planning a surprise brunch date.

But beyond the physical space, creating mental space is just as important. How can we ensure our kids feel comfortable coming to us with their deepest thoughts, worries, or even their most embarrassing moments?

Here are a few things that have worked for our family.

When kids tell us something unexpected (or slightly gross), it’s easy to react with frustration. But staying curious instead of critical makes all the difference. Instead of asking, “Why would you do that?!” try something like, “That’s interesting! What made you do that?” This response validates their thoughts, even if their actions might be a little questionable.

Honesty, even when it’s hard to hear, should always be celebrated. If they admit to something that might get them in trouble, that’s a big deal. A simple response like, “I’m so glad you told me. It helps me understand what’s going on with you,” shows them that telling the truth strengthens your connection, not weakens it. When kids see that honesty leads to support rather than punishment, they’ll be more likely to open up.

Kids often act out of boredom, impulse, or pure experimentation—and that’s okay. We can normalize their curiosity by saying, “Sometimes we do things just to see what happens. Next time, let’s think of a better way to handle boredom.” Creating a judgment-free space helps them feel safe to share their experiences. It also helps to share our own childhood or adult stories—the ones where things didn’t turn out so well. Letting them know that growing pains are real and we’re all still learning can be reassuring.

Building trust doesn’t happen overnight; it’s something we nurture every day. Keeping the conversation going with open-ended questions like, “What was the funniest thing that happened today?” or “What’s something you thought about but didn’t say?” can encourage them to share more than just the usual “fine” or “nothing” responses.

And of course, leading by example is key. Kids learn how to communicate by watching us. When we share our thoughts and feelings in a calm and honest way, they pick up on that and feel encouraged to do the same.

Creating a safe space for our kids is about showing them, every day, that their thoughts and feelings truly matter.

Here are some conversation starters to check in on our kids and make the most of the little time we get with them in the day.

10 Fun Ways to Ask “What Happened in School Today?” (Without the Eye Roll)

1. “If your school day was a movie, what would the title be?”
2. “What was the weirdest/funniest thing someone said today?”
3. “If you could replay one moment from today, what would it be?”
4. “What’s one thing you learned that could help you survive in the wild?”
5. “Who made you laugh the hardest today?”
6. “If your teacher were a superhero, what would their superpower be based on today?”
7. “What would you rate today on a scale from ‘best day ever’ to ‘total snoozefest’?”
8. “If you could switch seats with anyone in class, who would it be and why?”
9. “What’s one thing you wish you could do differently about today?”
10. “If I gave you a magic wand, what would you change about your school day?”

10 Interesting Topics to Spark Conversations with Your Child

1. “If you could invent your own holiday, what would we celebrate?”
2. “If animals could talk, which one would you want as your best friend?”
3. “What’s something you’re really curious about right now?”
4. “If you were in charge of designing the school, what would it look like?”
5. “If you could swap places with any cartoon character, who would it be?”
6. “What’s the best invention you can think of that doesn’t exist yet?”
7. “If you could go anywhere in the world for a day, where would we go?”
8. “If you had a robot, what would you make it do for you?”
9. “What’s one thing you think grown-ups don’t understand about kids?”
10. “If you could eat only one food forever, what would it be?”

These fun and creative questions can help you get beyond the typical “fine” and “I don’t know” responses, opening up meaningful and playful conversations with your child.